Tommy Tuffnuts
Dear Mark Murphy,
Not only do need to hire me as the new gm, you ARE going to hire me as your new GM after you hear the takes I'm about to drop on your candy ass. The Packers need to look outside the organization for their new GM. Well guess what, I am outside! That's one + for me. Second, the Packers need to hire a true football guy, well guess what again!!? I played freshman year football with a Nick Perry style club on my arm because I broke it, stuffing a run and picking up a TFL. I am therefore a football guy. That is another + in favor of me.Thirdly, I come from a football pedigree just like Elliot Wolf. His dad may have been an ex GM, but my father once had to block Reggie White in college and also got traded for a punter in the USFL, so once again, football guy from a football pedigree. That's the third + for me which makes me a very qualified GM candidate.
As the new GM of the Green Bay Packers, here are my moves.
Head Coach: Fire Mcdingdong and Hire Josh McDaniels
Love what McDaniels would bring to the table from the offensive side of the ball. A new, fresh offensive system that isn't bland and basic like Mcdingdongs scheme. Plus, Mikey has a very punchable face that I can not stand.
Defensive Coordinator: Hire Rex Ryan
Uncle Rex is awful in the announcing booth, but he is a hell of a defensive coordinator. The big thing that has been lacking in Green Bay for a while now is an attitude and toughness on the defensive side of the ball. There is no denying that Sexy Rexy brings that out in his players and creates a tough culture. As a defensive coordinator in Baltimore from 2005-2008, The Ravens gave up 18ppg, 12ppg, 24ppg and 15ppg. 3 out of 4 seasons as a top 10 defense. Obviously you need talent to have success as a D Coordinator. Give Rex a little more talent in Green Bay and the man will lead them to the promise land.
Wide Receiver: Sign Sammy Watkins and draft Calvin Ridley
Cobb, smell ya later. Cut Cobb and make Jordy take a pay cut. Jordy is at the age where he will probably want to retire as a Packer, but his production does not match his pay anymore. Jordy becomes a red zone player and short yardage WR. Shift Montgomery back into the slot because he is not a running back (shocking). Toss big money at 24 year old Sammy Watkins who is a deep threat on the outside and draft Calvin Ridley with your 1st round pick. Just take a look at those weapons, I just went from 6 to midnight.
Tight End: Sign Trey Burton
I really like Trey Burton and feel that he could become a huge threat with Aaron Rodgers throwing him the ball. He is only 26 years old, 6'3 and runs a 4.6 40. He hasn't gotten a full time shot in Philly behind Ertz and Celek, but I think he is a sleeper who will not demand a big contract.
Outside Linebacker: Sign a free agent and draft for depth
Cut Clay, he is a shell of himself and is making way too much money for his lack of production and I am pretty sure he doesn't even have hamstrings at this point. Nick Perry just got paid, so he will have to stick around. Kyler Fackrell should be a water boy in the CFL and Vinnie Biegel can be used for depth. The Packers need to search the free agent market and also the draft to put more talent on the edge. Ahmad Brooks could be resigned for depth as well, but they need another starter to play next to Perry.
Inside Linebacker: Jon Bostic or Navarro Bowman
Blake Martinez had a solid season, but he can not be your teams best inside backer. This has been a position of weakness for years that Ted never addressed. Jake Ryan absolutely stinks and should not be a starter. When healthy, Bowman is a play maker and I would love to see him in the middle. Bostic is also a sneaky good option who is only 26 years old and brings some upside.
Defensive Backfield: Sign Eric Reid, let Burnett walk and sign who the hell cares at CB
Giving Morgan Burnett a ton of money does scare me and ultimately I would let him walk. I do really like Eric Reid and do want to see if Ha Ha can bounce back with a better season. At corner back................just sign some guys with a pulse because they will be better than what we (yes we, I am the GM after all) have right now.
Some of you shitheads will try to tell me that there isn't enough money to sign all of these guys. Well guess what? I am not a money guy, I am a football guy like I proved without a shred of a doubt earlier. If we need more money, all we have to do is ask the 200,000 owners for a quick donation or offer up more pieces of paper for sale that allow the cheesehead wearing dopes to think they actually own an NFL team. Either way you shake it out, I should be the GM and I know that Mark Murphy is a yuge fan of Take Quakes so he will for sure see this post.
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